Restaurant Review: Benchmark. Setting the bar to new lows.

That arrow points down for a reason.

I set off on a beautiful Tuesday night, with high hopes, for this little spot behind Loki Lounge. Now, I wanted to give Benchmark the best possible chance, and as we all know, Tuesday is a great night for a restaurant to shine. Why? Because purveyor's deliveries have come Monday, or even that morning, so everything should be fresh as the morning dew. The head chef has rested from the weekend grind, and hopefully has some imaginative specials or new items lined up. Since it's a weekday, the kitchen should be busting its hump, as they are performing for the home crowd, the local, the long term supporter of the restaurant, not the weekend warrior, the out of towner, the visiting team.

That smear on the right? Vadouvan Yogurt. That's ostentatious for overpowering curry paste.

First up, Artichokes Barigoule with olives, oven dried tomatoes, Vadouvian yogurt and lemon tumeric dressing. This was billed as "light" by our waitress. Oily, over dressed, way to much tumeric in the "dressing", no hint of lemon whatsoever, or, artichoke for that matter. Yes I would have actually liked to taste the subtle, delicate flavor of artichoke in my "Artichoke" Barigoule, thank you very much.

And I thought "blackened" went out in '83? Gosh I'm out of touch.

Next up. The burger, because they were OUT OF "KOBE" BEEF (and out of the chorizo stuffed chicken wings, dammit). 7pm. Tuesday. Place was nearly empty. Supposedly its a "steak" joint. Already alarm bells are going off in my mind. Oh, whoops, it's not really Kobe beef anyhow. It's falsely labeled American Wagyu. Same thing? Nope. One comes from all the way from Kobe, in Japan, the other does not. This is not to say American Wagyu isn't delicious, it is, just don't insult my intelligence, and label it correctly please.

Sorry, I digress. The burger was well done (we asked for medium), had gruyere cheese (great, but we asked for cheddar) and were it not for the ketchup, would basically have no taste. Ok "steak" joint, if I can't trust you with a burger, how on earth can I trust you with a pricey piece of meat?

Could I get a little color with this? Fresh out? Ok, how about some variation in texture?

Next up was my Beer Brined Pork Chop Pork Loin (they were out of the chop, surprised?). I was amazed by this piece of meat. I have never before tasted a brined piece of meat that was dry. Overcooked, unappealing, with a burnt, bitter, charcoal mess of a crust. Basically brining a piece of meat makes it idiot proof. Through osmosis, it causes the tightly wound proteins in the meat to unwind and get tangled together. This forms a matrix that traps water molecules, salt and flavor from the brine, and holds onto them tightly during cooking. So basically you kind of have to TRY to dry it out.

While I was eating dejectedly pushing my overpriced, overcooked meal around my plate, I noticed a cook walking through the dining area carrying a bag of raw meat. Really? You actually think that it's ok in a restaurant serving a $24 pork chop to walk supplies in through the dining room? The bus boy who followed him 10 minutes later with a Tupperware container of eggs evidently thought so.

Water? Sorry, fresh out..

Most of the reviews I seen for this place have been raving about a good brunch. Well folks, brunch sucks as a measure of a restaurant. Feed some greasy eggs, bacon, and Bloody Marys to anyone with a hangover and they'll think you are the best chef in town. Benchmark cannot even reliably keep its larder stocked, early, on a Tuesday night, can't dress a salad, can't cook a burger, and has the gall to charge you $24 for a piece of dry as a hockey puck pork, PORK (typically $3.99 a pound, yes, even for heirloom pig like Six-Spotted Berkshire).

On top of that, even though we ordered an appetizer, 2 entrees, and 2 rounds of cocktails, my water glass was filled once when I sat down, and sat empty until I handed them my credit card. Jesus. Oh, and keep in mind, even though their prices are high enough so you can easily drop $150 on dinner for two, they don't take AMEX. Brilliant.

FIPS says "So, seriously. Go there. Now. Run, don't walk." This is either blatant nepotism or blatant use of "herbal supplements" before eating. If you know anything about food, you'll run the other way. Seriously. Now.

Benchmark will not receive a Gastroliaison Bacon Strip.

This concludes Gastroliaison's review of Benchmark.

Benchmark
339-A 2nd Street
Park Sope
(718) 965-7040